Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
