I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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