dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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