i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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