Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
