if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
