We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
