soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
