my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
