Already got asked if we're dating
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
