Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
