all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
