You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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