so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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