I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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