Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
