A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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