I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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