I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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