Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
