seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
