Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
