Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
