They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
