So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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