covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
