I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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