I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
