soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
