It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
