I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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