She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
