me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
