I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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