WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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