I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
