Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
