At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
