I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
