I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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