When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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