well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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