come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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