she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
