Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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