so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
