Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
