sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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