Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
