Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
