but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
