your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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