Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
