we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
