i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
